What Do You tell Her?

Lori Peters

“I could never do what you do.” “I would not know what to say to someone in a situation like that. Aren’t you afraid you may say something wrong?” 

These are comments I hear quite often in my roles at the crisis pregnancy center and Rachel’s Vineyard Ministry. The simple answer is, “I don’t do it. God does.” 

It is all God, all the time. He uses the talents and abilities He gave me to help. I could definitely never do what I do without God. 

My volunteers and I are trained to help in a certain way, but most of the time, we use common sense and two ears. We listen. This is something I emphasize during volunteer training – the ability to listen attentively and compassionately. Many of our clients grew up in horrible situations and have little to no family support. They have low self-esteem and do not believe they have anything to contribute to this world because that’s probably the line they’ve heard all their lives. The only thing they know is they can get something by offering their bodies, which often leads them here in a crisis pregnancy situation. We listen so they can tell their story, a story that perhaps hasn’t been shared with anyone else. We listen because we care.

We ask gentle questions. In asking, we have to set aside our personal agendas and beliefs and accept the woman where she is without judgment. This is not easy. In Ruby Payne’s book Framework for Understanding Poverty, she explains there is often miscommunication between those in a position to help and those who need it because of socio-economic class differences in values and beliefs. What a rich or middle-class person believes is right and true is not what someone in a lower socio-economic class believes is right and true. So, we must accept a woman in trouble right where she is, offer ourselves as compassionate sounding boards and then provide gentle and positive guidance as to what her next steps could be. If she’s pregnant and considering abortion, part of the help we provide is resources showing her that alternatives are available and economics shouldn’t stand in the way of life. 

As we help, we remember that ultimately the decision to change her life and the strategy used to do so rest with her, not us. We will not be living in the aftermath of that decision, so we cannot make it for her or force her to accept our way. All that we can do is offer information in a loving way so she can make the best informed decision. These strategies we use can lead to frustration, and often does, especially with clients we have been helping for years with the same problems, but we have to remember that God is ultimately in charge and He alone can bring good out of bad. We must trust that our efforts will bear fruit somehow regardless of whether we see it or not.

For additional writing from members and associates of the St. Gabriel Respect Life group, see below:

https://stgabrielcarlisle.squarespace.com/our-pro-life-views-1/